Monday, March 11, 2013

Running

My running...mmmm.  I think I've talked about this before.  It was probably last fall when I was "training" for Goofy.  You know...that little 39.3 miles in two days.  The race that I felt amazing at the end of - exhausted - but amazing.  I've lost my running mojo.  Granted I'm still running about two days a week right now and decent miles at that, but my drive is gone.  

I know part of why I refound my love in running 6 years ago was because I needed something just for me.  Something for me to own.  Something to be proud of that was mine.  I can't tell you how tiresome it got to always be referred to as somebody's mother, somebody's daughter, somebody's wife, somebody's sister.  Running was mine.  Especially when I felt like I needed to maintain to keep others motivated.  When I came up with the idea of participating in Team in Training with Shrinking Jeans, I had a group of women who really hadn't run much, if at all, before choosing to jump on the half marathon bandwagon.  I took my leadership role as a relatively experienced runner quite seriously.  In a way I thought I had to prove that was I worthy.  Now that I type that, it sounds fairly pathetic, but I needed to be needed by someone who I didn't have to clean up after. :)  These women that joined Team in Training became good friends.  And most are still running after all these years.  

So as I signed up for a local half marathon race series last month, and I planned out my long runs, I wonder what the hell I was thinking.  My life is so completely different now that it was a couple years ago.  My drive to hit that sub-2-hour half marathon?  Gone.  One day maybe I'll get there, but right now I know I don't have the desire to train as hard as I would need to train in order to reach that goal.  Right now my goal is run 2-3 days a week (although I haven't run three days a week in *months*) and enjoy the miles.  I haven't had a runner's high on a training run in who knows how long.  I definitely had it at the DisneyWorld marathon.  And I ran 12 mm.  Not fast by any means, but I felt good and I was happy and I was achieving a goal.  

I should run tomorrow.  Just a measly few miles.  I'm not making any promises, but I'm going to try.  There is limited time in the day and I already don't get enough sleep.  Burning both ends of the candle is exhausting (worth it to get to be available to the girls when necessary), but it's still exhausting.  

I have LOVED watching other newbies and former newbies pick up running and fall in love with training and racing and see them achieve goals and get faster and just become great in their own ways.  

For now, I will try to get out as much as possible and enjoy the miles, so in 30-40 years I'm still running.  

6 comments:

Thea @ It's Me Vs. Me said...

I'm not anywhere near as busy as you and I still struggle to get out there three days a week. And to be honest, I'm cool with that. I'm doing what I can, when I can and that's what keeps me going.

Your life is in a completely different place. Live for where you are now, not where you were a few years ago.

Brooke said...

i agree with Thea. but if there is something i can do to help nudge you along, let me know

Mommy Mo said...

Kirsten, I love you. Whether you are running or not, I do. You inspire me daily and you motivated me to keep running when life got tough for me and when my body wouldn't cooperate with what I wanted it to do. You have been a constant cheerleader for me (and others) and really, girl, I think you are one bad-ass mo'fo. I would love love love to run with you again one day, but you will need to go at my pace. Now get your ass out there and run, stat. MWAH!!!!

The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans said...

OMG. I remember when you first showed up on the SJ scene as a chic who'd been running since she was 5 and I was like WTF is this hooker doing here! But I love you and I'm so glad that we gave you a reason to run, and in turn you gave us a reason to run. I will always love you, and I'm so happy that you don't need running in the same way that you used to need it. xooxo

The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans said...

p.s. This is Christy. :)

Ara said...

At least you're out there getting your running in. You'll get your MOJO back. I know you will. Just keep at it my friend.

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